The Healing Process
by Vagary305
Summary: Dr Chakwas finds that treating patients involves more than treating injuries. Set around the events of Mass Effect 2.
1. Chapter 1

Well, here's my attempt at writing fan fiction. Hope you all like.

My Shepard : Lydia Shepard, Colonist/Sole Survivor, Paragon, Romanced Kaidan

* * *

The Healing Process

_'Fractures in Left arm, Left ribcage and Pelvic bone'_ wrote Dr Chakwas on her clipboard as she examined Joker in the infirmary. It had only been hours before that she and the crew of the Normandy had been running to the escape pods, though she had no real concept of how long ago that really was. She looked down at Joker lying on the bunk. He was sleeping from sedation now, though when he was brought in he was crying. His crying was because of the pain he was suffering, both the physical pain of his broken limbs, and the emotional pain from what he had just seen.

The doctor finished writing her notes on her clipboard and then decided to grab a coffee from the mess hall. On her way there, she came across another man who was crying, though the pain that was causing this man to cry could not be attributed to physical injuries.

"Lieutenant Alenko, are you all right?"

"Dr Chakwas!" Kaidan jumped at hearing the doctor's voice. He tried at first to wipe away the tears from his face but then gave up. He became resigned to fact the he could not hide his previous action. "No, I'm not" he finally said, once again hanging his head, "I should have been there, I might have been able to save her."  
"You don't know that Lieutenant," Dr Chakwas replied "besides, Commander Shepard ordered you to help the crew to the escape pods. If you disobeyed the Commander's orders, the casualties could have been a lot worse. Look at the great job you did back there Lieutenant. The majority of the crew made it out safe and relatively unscathed. Joker was the only one to receive serious injuries".  
Up until the doctor mentioned Joker, Kaidan had been barely listening to her. The mention of Joker was enough to get his attention though "He should've gotten worse than than he got." Kaidan's face changed from sad to angry as his body began to glow biotic blue. With his powers, he reached for the coffee someone had left beside him "with concern" and smashed the cup against the wall. This display shocked Dr Chakwas. She had never seen Kaidan Alenko lose it like this before. She had never seen Kaidan Alenko lose it before. Back on the Normandy, the doctor had had a feeling that Commander Shepard and the Lieutenant were involved in something more than just a professional relationship, and Kaidan's out of character behaviour now seemed to be confirming this feeling. "Lieutenant, please, stop it"

Kaidan didn't seem to hear her. He was pacing back and forth, still glowing with fury. "I should break his legs permanently" he mumbled as he used his biotics to lift the chair he was previously sitting on in readiness to send it the way his coffee cup went.  
"Kaidan stop it!" Dr Chakwas yelled at him "you don't really want to do that!"  
"Why not doctor?" Kaidan yelled back, the tears once again forming in his eyes "If it wasn't for his stupidity, Lydia would still be alive!"  
"Hurting Joker is not going to bring her back."

Kaidan's face turned from anger to sorrow. his blue glow faded, releasing the chair, and he stumbled to the floor and cried. "You're right doctor, I'm sorry". Dr Chakwas knelt down beside him. "It's alright Lieutenant. I won't tell a soul about what happened here."

They both sat like that for a while, Lieutenant Alenko sitting down crying, Dr Chakwas kneeling beside him in silence. Eventually the doctor spoke up. "Lieutenant, on the Normandy, you were the one person that Commander Shepard got to know the most. If the Normandy's crew are going to get through this troubling time, they will need to see you strong." Kaidan lifted up his head. He still had tears in his eyes. "I don't know if I can be" he replied, "not without Lydia. But …..but I'll try, for her sake." Kaidan remembered how much the crew meant to Lydia Shepard and how much she meant to the crew. He knew that the doctor was right when she said that the crew will look at him for strength to go on, but he wasn't sure he was ready to carry the weight that the Commander left behind in her death.

Dr Chakwas could see some of the thought processes going on in Kaidan's mind through the emotions his face was failing to hide. While the doctor realised that she should be getting back to the infirmary to check on Joker and the other injured, she knew she couldn't leave the Lieutenant alone in his current state of confusion. She put her hand on his shoulder to give him comfort. "Lieutenant" she said softly, "Tell me about Lydia."


	2. Chapter 2

Well here we are, chapter 2. Hope you all like. If you don't, sorry :)

* * *

Dr Chakwas worked on setting a cast on a soldier's broken arm. She was on Mars, at a medical centre. The way it seemed to work in this place is patients come in and get assigned to the first doctor who is available. So unlike her previous postings, the doctor didn't feel the need to get to know this soldier as the likelihood of ever seeing him again was minimal. This was completely different to being assigned to a Starship where there is no way to avoid getting to know people, not that she ever minded that.

As Dr Chakwas continued working on unnamed soldier's cast, she remembered some of her work in this field that made this procedure second nature to her. She remembered having to set casts on an arm and leg of the then Commander Anderson after he actually figured out how to crash a Mako, it wasn't pretty. She remembered Commander Shepard falling asleep while getting her arm set in a cast after the battle at the Citadel, The relief and the exhaustion after months of pursuing Saren had finally caught up to her. She of course remembered the many times she had to set casts on Joker's limbs after he had taken one wrong turn and 'crack', got very dramatic.

After the doctor had finished setting the cast and writing some notes on Serviceman James Thompson's medical records (_so that was his name_), she went to check the waiting room for the next unnamed soldier she would need to treat. However, when she looked and saw the person waiting, she realised he was too familiar to be unnamed. He wasn't a soldier either, not any more. "Joker?"  
The former Flight Lieutenant looked up at the doctor and gave his version of smile to her. "Hey. Long time, no see Doc" It felt strange to the doctor to see Joker in casual clothing, though he was still wearing the SR-1 Normandy cap that was part of his uniform when he was in the military. His beard seemed a lot longer than she remembered it though. This was the first time in months that Dr Chakwas had seen a member of her 'family' from the Normandy. Unfortunately, that family had fallen apart after Commander Shepard's death. The official reassignments and the emotional disagreements meant that the family had no hope of keeping together.  
Dr Chakwas sat down next to Joker in the waiting room "It is good to see you but this certainly is a surprise Joker, What brings you to Mars?"  
"Well, I came to see if the rumours were true." The doctor gave him a confused look but Joker continued on, "To come here and find out that the rumours ARE true and you actually ARE working planet-side, I must say that I'm shocked Doc. You were always so gung ho about working on Starships. Hell, you were worse than me."  
"I don't believe I was that bad." Joker gave the doctor a look which could be determined as saying 'oh really' in a sarcastic way and the doctor found herself having a hard time keeping a straight face. In the end, they both burst out laughing. "Ok, maybe I was that bad," she finally admitted after she caught her breath, " but I didn't feel I had the strength to keep living like that after...." Joker nodded his head in acknowledgement that he understood what she meant and asked "Are you happy here?"

It took Dr Chakwas a while to come up with an answer to that question. Procedural wise, this post held very little difference to any other post she'd been assigned to. Emotionally though, this place had no.....familiarity to it. "No" was the answer she finally came up with and her bluntness in answering surprised her.  
The doctor was now feeling a little uncomfortable after the answer she gave and was eager to change the subject, so she was somewhat relieved when she saw serviceman....um.... the soldier she had just done the cast on approaching her. "pardon the intrusion Dr Chakwas, I just wanted to thank you for your help." the doctor stood up, "you're welcome....Serviceman …..Thompson," she replied as she was glad that his name was on his uniform. The Serviceman gave her a salute with his healthy arm and left the waiting room.

"Well it's looks like your job hasn't changed Doc" came Joker's remark as Dr Chakwas sat back down next to him. "yeah, some of it hasn't," the doctor half-heartedly agreed, "however it seems ironic that you show up at a time when I've been working on broken limbs. So, since I'm somewhat 'in the zone' as you would call it Joker, is there anything I can help you with, for old times sake?" Joker chuckled nervously, "Well.....yes. But not like that. Not immediately anyway." This led the doctor to giving Joker another confused look, "Surely you're not planning to break your legs in the future Joker, are you?"

"Alright Doc, I'll just have to come right out and say this," He turned slightly in his chair to face the doctor, "A private corporation has offered to let me fly again. However when they found out about these," indicating his legs, "they started to hesitate with that offer. Even after I gave them my famous speech that worked so well on Anderson and Shepard, they are still hesitating. I am getting the impression that they may not want to shed out the funds to train someone up in how to deal with Vrolik Syndrome so I'm thinking that if I can help them out by finding someone who knows how to treat it to join up with me, I'll be offered the chance to fly again." Joker now made sure Dr Chakwas was paying her full attention to him, " And since I now know that you're itching to get back into Space, I'm hoping that convincing you to join up with me is going to be easier than I originally thought."

Dr Chakwas felt flattered that Joker had thought of her when he needed this help. But while a part of her was eager to jump at this chance, another part of her became extremely cautious. After all, she knew Joker would never have been able to find out where she was from 'rumours'. The only way he could find out that information would have been from classified Alliance Military files, and no law abiding corporation would have been able to get theirs hands on those. "I feel there is something you're not telling me about this Joker. If I'm going to give an answer to this offer, I can't be left in the dark."  
Joker looked at his feet. His face indicated that he was hoping he didn't have to reveal everything. Eventually he said quietly, "The offer I was given, it came from Cerberus." At this confession, the doctor was shocked. It made sense that Joker would be trying to hide that information, but now she was having trouble understanding his actions. "Joker, why are you wanting to be associated with Cerberus? Don't you remember the various atrocities Shepard discovered that they had committed?"  
"I know what they did," Came Joker's stern reply, "but it is no worse than the butchering the Alliance did to Shepard. Joker looked up and faced the doctor, "the Alliance took Commander Shepard's warnings about the Reapers and twisted their meaning to make her sound like a raving lunatic. They're not going to take the threat seriously. Doctor, Cerberus told me that they believed Commander Shepard's words and are planning to do something about the Reapers. That's why I want to be involved."

The doctor's face was filled with concern, "Are you sure that they can be trusted Jeff?" Joker avoided the question as he wasn't quite sure of the answer himself. "All I know is that my actions on the day that the Normandy went down are the reason that Shepard isn't around to defend herself. If I can atone for my actions by preserving Shepard's legacy, then I'm going to do that." Joker then stood up and handed Dr Chakwas a card, "If you're interested in helping me with this, follow these instructions. If not, then I'm guessing you'll never see me again. It was nice to catch up Doc." At this, Joker gave her his messy version of a salute and left the waiting room. Dr Chakwas was left sitting in silence, staring at the card.


	3. Chapter 3

Only a short chapter today, i'm not entirely happy with it so suggestions on how to improve this would be appreciated.  
I've noticed on alot of fanfics the authors has placed disclaimers. i don't know if it's required but i'll do so just incase.  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect **(well....i do but not rights to it i guess)**, I am not associated with Bioware in any way apart from liking games that they make. **(KOTOR was the First Bioware game i played....mmmm Carth)

* * *

"Dr Chakwas, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Jacob Taylor. I'm the Head of Security at this facility."

"I'm pleased to meet you Mr Taylor." Dr Chakwas gave her best attempt at being civil. She wasn't really sure that she was 'pleased' to meet this man. After all she still had her doubts about Cerberus and this man was part of them. It was those doubts that had her questioning why she said yes to Joker's offer. The excuse she used publicly was that she wanted to get back into space but inwardly she knew that if she said one word about that to the Alliance Brass, she would be granted it right away, so that wasn't the reason. Maybe she said yes because she wanted to believe that Cerberus were going to preserve Commander Shepard's legacy. She somehow found that hard to swallow. But Joker believed it, and if he was going to be heartbroken by their actions, at least she could be there to pick up the pieces. Maybe that's the reason she said yes.

As she and Joker were being given a tour of the facility by Mr Taylor, a feeling of concern came over the doctor. This place they were being shown around did not feel like a space port or military outpost. The lighting, the colours on the walls, the smells in the air seemed to scream clinical at her. This place felt so much like a science lab or hospital to her. '_Why did they want Joker_ _for here?_' she wondered. She looked over at Joker and was certain she saw a look of confusion on his face as well. Joker caught her glance then leaned in and whispered "You having the feeling that something's not right here too Doc?" The doctor nodded, "I'm struggling to see how we are needed here."

Mr Taylor led Joker and Dr Chakwas into what appeared to be a viewing room. Through the large window panel, Dr Chakwas could see an Operating Theatre. There were two surgeons and several machines working on a patient in the middle of the room. The patient's body was covered with scars and broken skin and the doctor saw what looked like burns as well. It was a miracle that this patient survived whatever ordeal they went though, though this could've been an autopsy. It wasn't really clear.

The doctor stared at the situation, still trying to figure out she and Joker fitted into this, when the colour suddenly drained from her face and she gasped at what she was seeing. Joker looked at her with concern and then turned his head to see what the doctor was seeing. The colour then too drained from his face as he looked at the operating table and realised some of their questions may have just been answered. The patient in the middle of that room was someone that Joker and Dr Chakwas knew very well. Commander Lydia Shepard.


	4. Chapter 4

well another day, another chapter, thank you to the people who sent me reviews. i really appreciate it and hope this can live up to your expectations.  
**Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Bioware except in the fact i played and enjoyed some of the games they've made.**

* * *

As she sat in the Med bay of the new Normandy, Dr Chakwas was unsure how to react. The med bay was larger than her space on the first Normandy. Though if she needed to use a Lab, she had to go upstairs, if the AI would let her in. The Med bay's position next to the Mess Hall made it almost feel like she was back on the original Normandy. The subtle differences were enough to remind her where she was though. The colour scheme was different, the lighting was brighter and those windows.....  
The doctor took a break from organising her inventory. As she did, she took a glimpse out of the window at the Mess Hall. The first interaction she observed there was two crew members yelling at the Mess Sergeant because they didn't like their meals. _'Soft'_ thought Dr Chakwas, _'It's obvious they've never been in the military. They don't realise how good they have it compared to the marines.'_ The doctor sighed and went back to organising her inventory.  
As she was doing this, Dr Chakwas remembered some of the antics she had witnessed at various Mess Halls throughout her career in the military. She felt a little disgusted, yet a little amused, when she remembered a game that many marines played where they would arm wrestle and the loser (and possible bystanders) would end up covered in their tray of food (don't ever go near when oatmeal or mashed potatoes are on the menu). She remembered the time Corporal Jenkins egged Lieutenant Alenko into a biotic demonstration at the Mess on Arcturus just before the Normandy's shakedown and found herself giggling. She remembered the food fight that Joker decided to have on the Normandy one day with Gunnery Chief Williams and having to set a cast on one of his legs as a result of it later. She found herself smiling yet shaking her head as she remembered him maintaining that it was totally worth it. He probably still thinks that. She remembered the many times she saw Lieutenant Alenko and Commander Shepard having quiet conversations there when they were able to. She sighed when she remembered how dangerously comfortable they looked with one another.

A moving blur outside her window caught the doctor's attention. She looked up and saw Commander Shepard now talking to the mess sergeant. The doctor smiled as she remembered Shepard going around and getting to know the crew of the first Normandy. It was one of the ways that Shepard cared about her crew. She would talk to them, find out about them, find out what they need in order to do their job and find ways to help them make their job easier and more efficient. _'At least death hasn't taken that quality away from her.'_

The Commander turned around and headed towards the entrance to the med bay. When she saw this, Dr Chakwas found her vision focusing on one of the glowing scars on Shepard's cheek. The scar caused her mind to flash back to the day when she had seen the unconscious body of the Commander on the operating table. She could recall felling sick at the sight and hearing Joker yelling "What the hell are you doing to her?" She could then recall Mr Taylor trying to give his best explanation on the aims and goals of Project Lazarus. The time between that day and being on this "Normandy" became a blur to the doctor. Another colony disappearing, muscles twitching, Joker complaining about the shuttles they were making him drive, the facility Shepard was at being attacked. The memories were there but she couldn't put them in order. Her already blurry opinion of Cerberus was made even more fazed as she contemplated the implications of Project Lazarus. On one hand she thought the technology was exceptional, being able to bring a person back to life. On the other hand, she thought it was wrong, death is not meant to be a curable disease. The fact they were using this experimental technology on Shepard did not help, part of her hated that they were using Shepard as a lab rat, another part of her was willing them to succeed. But that was all in the past now. The Lazarus Project had succeeded. Shepard was again alive. Her mission was set. They needed to stop the collectors from taking more colonies. After that, they could worry about stopping Cerberus if need be.  
The door to the med bay opened and the doctor buried her worried feelings, Shepard didn't need to know about them. She turned her chair to face the Commander. From the look of shock combined with a small smile on her face, the doctor could tell that Commander Shepard was expecting to be meeting someone new and wasn't prepared for seeing a familiar face. Dr Chakwas took a deep breath as she realised she would have to be the first one to talk. "Commander Shepard, I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. It's good to see you alive."

* * *

Next chapter might take a while, i'm stuck in writer's block on it but hopefully i can get something to you soon :)


	5. Chapter 5

well, here's chapter 5 and i'm guess you're all thinking "about bloody time." sorry. hopefully chapter 6 wont be as long. to wait for i mean, not length......

**Disclaimer: Bioware does not belong to me**

* * *

_'Vital signs are good. I think he's going to make it.' _Dr Chakwas found herself smiling as she looked at her turian patient. When the ground team brought Garrus in, he was fading in and out of consciousness. He had been shot multiple times, including taking a missile to the face. The fact that he was still alive after that was amazing, though that could've changed at any moment.  
While she was patching him up, the doctor found that she had to improvise. While the equipment she had been provided with was state of the art, it could not make up for the amount of blood that Garrus had lost in this ordeal. And of course, being that the Normandy was a ship that was built, owned and maintained by a human supremacist terrorist organisation, blood replacement solutions for Dextro-amino species were not particularly high on their priorities when it came to stocking the ship. It had been a rough few hours, but despite the odds, the monitors were showing that Garrus was in the safe zone, for the time being.

The door to the Med Bay opened. The doctor turned around to see Jacob standing in the doorway. "Excuse me Dr Chakwas, is this a bad time?" The doctor shook her head, "Not at all, what can I do for you Mr Taylor?" He winced slightly at the mention of that name, "It's Jacob. I was just wanting to get a status update on Arch......Garrus." The doctor's eyes turned to face the unconscious turian. "His condition is now stable. He will hopefully be awake in about an hour."

"So he's going to be alright?" Jacob asked, looking slightly nervous. The doctor took a deep breath, "Physically, he will not have any long term problems. Mentally......... I will not be able to judge properly until he is awake." Jacob looked confused, "So you can't be sure yet?" The doctor looked at Garrus' face and sighed, "Honestly I do not know yet. He took a missile to the face, it could cause serious brain damage. Until he wakes up, I will not know for certain if there's any effects."

Jacobs face fell in disappointment. "Oh... I was hoping that I would be able to give Commander Shepard some good news. From the files I read from the original Normandy, I got the impression that she and Garrus were good friends. And I know I would take it hard if one of my friends was going through what Garrus did." As he said this, he looked out the window towards the room on the opposite side of the mess. After a moment, he turned back to the doctor, "thank you for the update, I'll let the Commander know." He then saluted the doctor and left the Med Bay.

About twenty minutes after Jacob had left the Med Bay, the doctor was writing up her report on the operation when she heard a load groan. She walked over to Garrus' bed and found him waking up. "Well. This is a surprise. I wasn't expecting you to be waking up so soon." Garrus was a little disorientated. He looked at her squinting, "Dr Chakwas?" the doctor smiled, "Correct." She then grabbed her clipboard and returned to Garrus' side. "Well, you can remember who I am after two years. That's a good sign. Can you remember what happened to you Garrus?" The turian stayed silent, his mind deep in thought. The doctor waited patiently and eventually Garrus spoke up. " Tarak surprised me with his gunship and tried to blow me to pieces with it. I remember being knocked down by his shooting but not much after that."

Garrus started to sit up and Dr Chakwas assisted him. While she did that, she filled in the blanks. "The information that the Commander gave me was that you were knocked unconscious after taking a hit by a missile to the lower jaw. I used cybernetics to try and heal that wound. From our conversation, I can see that your memories are intact. It is a miracle that no other serious injuries resulted from that missile. You're either a very lucky turian, or a stubborn one who's determined to live." Garrus tried to laugh but ended up in a coughing fit. The doctor apologised. She didn't want humour to be a reason for putting Garrus through more surgery.

Once Garrus had regained his breath he answered, "I guess I'm mostly the latter with a tiny part of the former." he then continued, "Is Shepard around? I want to thank her for getting me out of the mess I was in." "I'm not sure," the doctor replied, "but I can find out." She then turned to a panel near the door to the Med Bay. "EDI, Can you pinpoint Commander Shepard's location please?" At this, a blue bulb appeared on the panel, "Commander Shepard is currently in a debriefing in the Communications room on deck two. She has requested that when Officer Vakarian is well enough, that he examines the Normandy's main guns in order to see how they can be improved."

While Garrus was listening to EDI, a look of concern came over his face. After it had finished speaking, he turned to Dr Chakwas. "That's an AI, isn't it?" The doctor nodded. "An AI on an Alliance warship?" Garrus continued, "It would hurt the Alliance's standing in the Council if word of that practice got out." the doctor turned to her terminal, "yeah. If that was the case it would. But since this is a Cerberus vessel and they already break every other law, Why not break the AI law too."

Garrus looked disturbed, "Cerberus?" He then stumbled off the bed and headed briskly but clumsily towards the door of the Med Bay. The doctor then realised that she had said too much.


	6. Chapter 6

well here's chapter 6, anyone else find it annoying that Dr Chakwas is not an option in the character search filters?

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect is Biowares Baby. Sorry about the language.**

* * *

"FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!"

Jack tried to turn around to face the doctor, "What are you doing Doc? Are you trying to fucking kill me?" Dr Chakwas remained calm, "I'm sorry Jack. I did warn you that this would sting." Jack continued to grit her teeth while the doctor applied ointment to the burns on her back. Out of the ground team that went to help the colonists on Horizon, Jacks injuries were physically the worst but all of them came back scarred in some way. Jack had received severe burns when running for cover from a thing that Garrus had described as "a conglomerate of Husks in the shape of a giant bug."

Dr Chakwas finished applying the ointment. "There you go. Your back should now heal nicely. I do suggest however that you should invest in some armour. I don't think your skin would be able to endure more burns like the ones you received." Jack, who was already heading for the door, just gave a dismissive "whatever" as a reply. "Oh, and you should probably stay off your back for the next few days." At this, Jack turned around and narrowed her eyes on the doctor, suspecting something more had been implied. In the end she just turned and walked towards the elevator, deciding not to pursue it further.

The doctor breathed a sigh of relief and started filling in the paperwork about the teams injuries from Horizon. It was not long after she started that she heard the Med Bay door open again. She turned around to see Commander Shepard in the doorway. "Hey Doctor, Um...Do you feel like sharing another drink with me?" The Commander looked down at the bottle of orange liquid in her hand, "I'm afraid it's not Serrice Ice Brandy this time." The doctor started to answer, "I should probably finish writing these reports." At seeing the slight change in Shepard's face to what might have been determined as disappointment, she changed her mind. "But what the hell! I'll grab the glasses. This might just be what I need to numb the pain when Jack comes back to rip me to shreds when she finds out that the burns ointment may have a side effect of erasing tattoos." The commander looked nervous, "Did it?" the doctor shrugged, "too early to say.""Well," came Shepard's reply, "I don't think I'm game to tell her that one, and it's probably best that stays off the scuttlebutt." The commander then raised her voice, "wouldn't you agree Joker?" they then heard what sounded like a crash over the comm system, followed by the voice of the pilot sounding a little sheepish, "wouldn't I agree on what Commander?" Shepard rolled her eyes, "Exactly. Now get back to work." When she heard the click indicating the comm channel had been closed, she turned to face Dr Chakwas and smiled, satisfied at herself for catching Joker in the act this time.

The doctor returned the smile. "Thank you Commander. Though if something did happen, your action may not be enough to stop the gossip." As she said this, she turned to face the windows. Shepard followed her gaze and remarked, "I have no idea who designed the interior of the Normandy. But I don't think they were thinking Med Bay when they designed this." "I agree," the doctor replied, "It just throws Doctor – Patient confidentiality out the window." She then winced as she realised what she just said.

The commander gave a light chuckle at at the doctor's response. She then sat down and proceeded to open the bottle. Dr Chakwas grabbed some glasses and sat down in the seat opposite Shepard."What shall we drink to Commander?" the doctor asked when she received her glass. At this question, Shepard turned to look at a table in the Mess Hall with two of the crew sitting at it. Dr Chakwas recognised those crew as the two who were sitting there complaining about the meals to the Mess Sergeant on the first day they were on that ship. In fact, those two crew members seemed to always be at that exact same table, complaining about the meals to the Mess Sergeant every time she looked out the window. The doctor realised that Shepard was thinking along the same lines as her when she proposed the toast should be "To the crew of the Normandy. May we one day find out what they do." They clinked their glasses together and took a sip of the orange liquor. Immediately both of their faces screwed up into a disgusted look. "this stuff takes like crap," remarked Shepard in order to break the uncomfortable silence. "Getting numb is not worth this torture," came the doctor's reply as she put her glass aside, "Are you sure this isn't turian liquor?" The commander laughed but then found herself seriously studying the bottle. She breathed a sigh of relief as she read out "Not for Dextro-DNA consumption, I think were good here Doctor."

"Well I guess drinking to excess is out of the question now, but maybe we could discuss what's bothering you Commander." Shepard looked down at the glass in her hand. She seemed unsure how to start this conversation. "I'm sure...you've heard about what happened on Horizon." While the doctor was certain that she knew what Shepard was talking about, she decided to play it safe. "Yes I did, and despite what you may be thinking, you did a great job in stopping the collectors from taking the whole colony." the commander looked up, slightly irritated, "Yeah? Well if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have been targeted in the first place. Anyway, please don't play dumb with me Doctor. If Joker knew all about Kaidan and I, there's a certainty that you did too." The Doctor nodded her head, "I had a feeling about it. That feeling wasn't confirmed until after you had died." She looked away and the memory of comforting Kaidan in those hours after the first Normandy was destroyed came to the forefront of her mind. Shepard interrupted those thoughts. "Out of all the people that I thought would have my back, Kaidan was the one that I never doubted. So seeing that bitter look on his face and then him walking away from me, it doesn't...I can't process it."

"You can't blame Lieutenant...Commander Alenko for being confused at the situation," the doctor chimed in. "It has been two years since you last saw each other. And you must admit that the situation you turned up in didn't put you in a flattering light." Shepard considered this, "Okay. Maybe you've got a point there Doctor. But does my association with Cerberus mean that I am no longer trustworthy to him? I am certain he saw that I came to save that colony and yet he didn't want to listen to me when he found out I was working with Cerberus. Doctor, how is it that you, who pretty much only knows me by my files and whatever gossip has been spread, can trust me so unconditionally when the one person,who I let in and who got to know so much more about me than anyone else, cannot trust me at all?"_ 'Maybe it is because I know something that he does not.' _The doctor then knew how she would tackle that question.

"Perhaps we should look at what happened on Horizon from a different perspective Commander. It may be that Commander Alenko has made wrong assumptions about you because he does not possess certain information that we have." Shepard looked up,confused. The doctor continued. "Both you and I know Commander that you died and have been revived by Cerberus. But outside of this ship, the general consensus is that death is permanent. Kaidan's reaction to you is linked to his perspective of the situation. If his perspective comes with the assumption that death is permanent, then it will greatly differ from your perspective."

"So in order to understand where Kaidan is coming from, I need to forget about my death?" The doctor nodded, "Precisely." The Commander scoffed, "easier said than done." They then spent the next few minutes in silence as Shepard went through the events in her head. She finally spoke up, "I can see where he's connected things. The last time he saw a ship like the one on Horizon was when the Normandy was attacked. The last time he saw me was that same day, and now I'm with Cerberus. Take my death out of the equation and that puts Cerberus right there where the attack happened, waiting to take me in. Because of him seeing me again in this way, in his mind the attack has become a set up, and I've become the traitor who organised it." She put her hands up to her face, "Oh Kaidan, please don't think of me that way."

Dr Chakwas tried to comfort her, "Commander, while Kaidan's initial reaction may have been to think of you in that way, I don't believe that impression will stay in his mind. As you said before, Kaidan knows who you are. Once he gets to think through what happened, he will realise that his assumptions are wrong because they do not match who you are. He knows that you're not a traitor Commander, he just needs time to go through it all and get back to that knowledge." Commander Shepard let out a sigh, "I hope you're right." She then stood up, rolled her shoulders and became the commanding officer again. "Thank you for the chat Doctor, I'll dispose of this," she said, grabbing the liquor bottle on the way out. The doctor tried to get back to her reports but found her memories getting in the way. She remembered the playful fights that the Commander and the Lieutenant would have over a buggy interface panel for one of the non critical systems. Their tech knowledge combined didn't seem enough to get this panel to stay fixed. Their frustration over it turned into a game which the doctor now knew eventually led to more. She remembered the Commander's smile from back then. She remembered the Commander's frown from when they talked earlier. Comparing the two brought a thought back into her mind. _ 'Maybe it is because I know something that he does not.' _" Perhaps he needs to be enlightened then," she said to herself. She brought up a file with pictures of Shepard's corpse on the operating table. She then opened a message screen.

TO : Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko


	7. Chapter 7

Well here's chapter 7, sorry for the delay, this was a chapter that i started a few time before scrapping and starting again. I also got lazy before that. sorry.

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns the Mass effect universe, or atleast the characters in it.**

* * *

"Care for a game of Skillian Five, Doc?"

The doctor didn't even look up from her terminal. "With you Joker? No" Joker sat down in the chair opposite the doctor, looking very disappointed. "Why not?"

Dr Chakwas turned to face Joker.

"Reason 1. You're too competitive.

Reason 2. Your extremely competitive nature leads you to cheat.

And Reason 3. I am only making a third of the salary that I had in the Alliance so I don't have the money to lose to reasons 1. and 2."

Joker shuffled the deck of cards in his hands, "I know what you mean about the lack of credits Doc. I always thought that privately funded meant better funded. I guess I was wrong." The doctor sighed, "I guess they figure that their cause is enough to keep people employed here." She picked up the cards Joker had dealt her, resigning to the fact that he's good at getting his way. "no credits."

As they were playing poker, Dr Chakwas was starting to regret not betting on the games as she seemed to be having a winning streak. She looked at Joker and glared. "I know what you're doing Joker. You're purposely throwing games to get my confidence levels up so that I start putting my credits into this 'friendly' game, and then you're going to strike." Joker looked at her with the most innocent eyes that he could manage. "I was just playing like I normally do Doc. I can't believe you think so low of me." The doctor lowered her gaze, "I'm sorry Joker. I did not mean to offend you." she took the deck of cards and started shuffling them. "We're still not going to play with credits though."

The doctor dealt out the Cards. "So where is the Commander taking us too now?" Joker looked at the cards he was dealt and shrugged, "no idea yet Doc. All Shepard said to me was "I just want out" and so we've left Illium. Don't know where we're heading next." For what seemed a long time, Joker stared at the cards he was dealt. Chakwas interrupted his thoughts. "Did I deal you a bad hand? Now aren't you glad we're not playing for money?" Joker chuckled, "sorry, was getting distracted by rumours I've heard. Doctor, do you think that it is possible for someone to go completely 180, personality wise?" This question seemed to distract the doctor from playing. " I wouldn't say it's impossible. It's true that certain events that happen to us can force us to change."

"Yeah I guess Doc, but to become completely different just doesn't seem right. To be sweet and naive two years ago and now be a heartless bitch, it just doesn't seem possible for a change to happen so quickly." The doctor put her cards down on the table, "Who are we talking about exactly?" Joker followed suit, " Liara. Apparently she was Shepard's source of info on Illium. She's become an Information Broker, a highly successful one." Dr Chakwas nodded in understanding, "In other words a ruthless one." "Exactly Doctor" Joker replied, "According to Tali, Liara was threatening someone when they first came to see her. She also asked Shepard to get her info so she could assassinate someone. This really doesn't sound like the mild mannered archaeologist we had with us two years ago." "No it doesn't." the doctor sighed _'Makes me wonder how much of that was an act.'_ She quickly buried those thoughts. " I guess the attack on the Normandy caused everyone there to change in some ways. In Liara's case it was just more extreme." Joker looked at her confused, "do you think that the Normandy attack is the reason for Liara's change in personality?" "It's probably not the sole cause but I'd say it's a major contributor to it." the doctor replied. " Do you think that attack really made a change in all of us Doctor?" Joker was still looking confused. "I do," the doctor nodded, remembering her new found need for stability after the attack. She decided against talking about that. "Look at Tali, since the attack, she has become more determined to protect others." "Yeah, and a lot more serious" Joker interjected, "I miss when she actually sounded happy while talking. In all honesty Doc, I don't feel like I've changed since that attack." Dr Chakwas narrowed her eyes on Joker, "So if this Normandy got attacked and the Commander gave the order to evacuate, you would still remain on the bridge like before."

Joker turned away, he looked deeply troubled in thought. Fortunately, before he had to reply, they were interrupted. "Mr Moreau, May I remind you that your shift at the helm was supposed to start at 1400hrs. It is now 1430." Joker found himself groaning, "Is there no where I can go to get away from you EDI?" The AI sounded perky in her reply, if that was possible, "I maintain a presence in all the commonly used areas aboard this ship. However I must point out the irony that in trying to get away from me, you actually got closer to me." Dr Chakwas giggled, Joker looked perplexed, "what?" "Didn't you know that's where EDI's processors are kept?" the doctor asked while pointing at the door at the back of the med bay. Joker looked at the door. A sinister look came upon his face, "really." The doctor just laughed, "Whatever it is you're planning Joker, I wouldn't bother. EDI doesn't even let Shepard in there." Joker's shoulders slumped.


End file.
